This year, I am especially thankful for a peaceful and somewhat relaxing Thanksgiving day and weekend. I enjoyed a great meal with family and friends, did enough cooking to enjoy it but not feel burdened, went shopping with my mother and played several games of Scrabble.
I also had the opportunity to spend some time with two friends from college. One actually lives in St. Louis but our busy lives make it difficult for us to see each other. The other friend was visiting St. Louis for Thanksgiving.
We had a wonderful time catching up and reminiscing about our days at the “Mecca,” Howard University. We got to know each other during our first year at Howard when we all lived on the same dorm floor. Actually, they lived on the third floor of Baldwin Hall, named after the distinguished educator Maria L. Baldwin. I lived in Sojourner Truth Hall (which was also in the Harriet Tubman Quadrangle) but I spent much of my time on their floor, which is where my best friends also lived.
It was very easy to reunite with my friends as we shared heart-warming memories about some of the most formative and important years of our lives. We talked about the ‘good old days’ and asked about other friends and classmates. We got to celebrate each other’s accomplishments, many of which we hadn’t previously known.
There we sat – three beautiful, talented and accomplished women- giggling, imitating each other, dancing (luckily we weren’t being recorded) and talking for hours. We also got to talk about some of those not-so happy life events. The loss of loved ones, broken hearts, illnesses, unexpected changes in careers, etc. The kinds of things that happen to all of us but sometimes we don’t share them. It reminded me of one of the themes in the movie “or Colored Girls.” Sometimes it’s difficult to know if someone is struggling or is having a significant life event unless they actually tell you.
Although some people find it easy to share the details of their lives, many of us are very private and have mastered the ‘I’m fine’ response to the casual “How are you doing?” Coping with life events can be challenging, especially during this time of year- the fall/winter holiday season. The holidays can evoke feelings of sadness and anxiety for many reasons including financial limitations and tension within the family.
For many of us, the holiday season is one filled with not just joy but great expectations. Although it can be wonderful to spend time with family and friends, exchange gifts, and enjoy great food, it can be very challenging if you are stuck on the “ideal” holiday. Worrying about finding the perfect gift, getting the kids everything on their lists, or wearing the right outfit can result in fatigue, elevated levels of stress hormones, and overeating- all of which can have long-term effects on your health.
Identifying the holiday blues can be difficult and many people may not recognize the effect that the pressure of the holiday season is having on them. Here are some tips to help avoid sadness and anxiety during the holidays.
– Set limits. You don’t have to attend every party or dinner and you don’t have to buy everyone a gift.
– Volunteer. There are many people who have limited function and/or resources that could really use your help or see your smile. Giving of your time and talent can be very rewarding.
– Don’t dwell on the past. Focus on the positive and establish new traditions.
– Spend some time with others but spend some time alone. It is important to relax and de-stress.
In addition to managing the pressure of the holidays on your life, keep your eyes and ears open to signs of sadness or anxiety among family and friends.
Now that Thanksgiving is over and I didn’t have time to bake my favorite cake, the onyx earrings I wanted were already sold, and I was too sleepy to go out with friends on Thursday night, I hope the rest of the holiday season is just as perfect!
If you have symptoms of depression or anxiety that persist for more than two weeks, consult your health provider for further evaluation. For information about depression, visit http://tinyurl.com/nimhdepression.