So after riding high on the dream of Mr. Right mopping me off of my feet, the siren of reality snapped me right back into the never-ending saga for single ladies.
About eight (okay, really four) totally isolated incidents made it impossible for me to ignore the signs of the universe with respect to my next topic.
This chain of events led me to ask an honest, simple but profound question.
Why do y’all think that by lying to yourself about your relationship status (and, subsequently, everyone else) that you are fooling ANYBODY (especially yourself)?
Case in point: There’s this guy I know and enjoy conversing with when our paths cross. We work in similar circles, so I see him on the regular.
He always manages to insert a comment or two to suggest that he is being fresh. I always just assumed that he likes to flirt – especially after he introduced me to his girlfriend.
About a week after I met his woman, we run into each other and he is kickin’ that fresh into overdrive! Just to let him know that I don’t get down like that, I casually inquire about his girlfriend.
He replies, “That’s not my girlfriend!”
I respond, “But that’s how YOU introduced her.”
He says, “You know how it is when you first start dating someone and you don’t know how to say that … it’s easier to say ‘girlfriend.’ That’s kind of where we are.”
Huh?
Calling someone your girlfriend when they are not actually complicates things, doesn’t it? It’s easier to just introduce the person as your friend or by their first name and keep it moving…unless that person is your girlfriend!
Just as I am figuring out how to formulate the words and break it down to him, can you guess who comes boppin’ around the corner – keep in mind we are at his job.
She greets him with a hug and me with a “don’t mess with my man, heifer” staredown.
If only she knew.
I know this other brother on a completely platonic tip. He has a lady on him harder than a gloom cloud on a hater.
They go places together; she does the family outing thing with him and is his designated date for special events. But if you even suggest that she is his official woman, he cuts up something horrible.
“If she is not your girlfriend, then why don’t you take someone else around sometimes?” I ask. “And the few instances that you do, it’s a place where your (non)lady will definitely not be.”
“I can’t help that she wants to be around me all the time,” he says. “Plus I don’t want to hurt her feelings – and the sex is off the chain!”
So he likes spending time with her – or at least the fact that she likes spending time with him – he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, and he enjoys (regularly) sleeping with this woman.
Okay, do I have to do the math on this one? I guess I do – and when you add it all up, it equals girlfriend.
I could provide more examples, but I think my words would be more wisely spent on a reality check for these men. In order to make it plain, I’ve decided to go Letterman and present a list to the men who try to play games. ANY of the items below confirms your couple status – despite what your mouth says.
5. She is a mainstay at your place of employment – your coworkers even know her by name – but she is not on the payroll and you have not involved security or filed for a restraining order.
4. When you stop by your mother’s house, she is there listening to stories about when she and your father “first got together.”
3. She babysits your children and her children have been around each enough to:
a) Hate each other’s guts
b) Affectionately adopt each other as “play” brothers, sisters or cousins.
2. You’ve spent at least three consecutive major holidays together – and at some point you’ve given her a gift (i.e. mother’s day, Christmas) – regardless of how lame and insignificant.
An important side note: if you have given this woman more than one birthday gift – I don’t care if it was a $5 scratch off – she is basically your common law wife. There are so many married men who can’t remember their wives’ birthday, so if you thought of her on her special day, she is your special someone.
1. You introduce her to people as your girlfriend.
If you own up to any one of these “situations,” you are in the throes of a serious relationship. Quit lying to yourself, and more importantly – quit lying to us!