I usually tell my children to avoid vengeance when they are dealing with peers.
Kill them with kindness instead.
They come up with many reasons why this may not be the best solution.
“Mom, when someone purposely knocks down your books off your desk, you just want us to sit and say nothing?”
“Just pick up your books and say, ‘Hey, don’t do that’ and go back to your work,” I explained in a soft voice.
“But what about when you are on the playground and someone sticks out their foot and trips you?”
“Someone did that?” I caught myself saying in a little louder than usual voice.
I quickly calmed myself and said, “Kill them with kindness.”
I said, “Tell them not to put their foot out again and trip you or else you will have to tell the teacher. Then go ahead and play with your real friends.”
Son number one chimed in. “Well, what if someone makes you spill your lunch tray and waste the food and the money that it cost and you miss out on eating lunch that day?”
I felt my jaw drop open for just a minute, then I gathered myself.
Through gritted teeth, I said, “Report that person to the lunch supervisor and ask for a refund.”
I then told him to make sure he looks that person in the eyes and tells him never to do that again. Then walk away.
Kill them with kindness.
After that little talk, I must admit I felt a bit disturbed that I was not telling my children to do more in the way of self-defense, but after more consideration I realized that physical altercations would not be necessary.
The next week, during a football game one boy was deliberately pushed in the back hard by an opponent after the play was made.
This offense was so severe that the boy who pushed the other was kicked out of the game for bad sportsmanship.
The mother of the boy who was pushed was standing up when all of a sudden the mother of the boy who was kicked out started yelling obscenities.
She went on and on until the mother of the boy who was injured started yelling back at her, telling her to sit down and be quiet in a very angry voice.
All of a sudden, my second son turned to me and said, “Mommy, don’t yell. Kill her with kindness.”
Okay, so I was the mother of the hurt boy, son number two. I admit I yelled at the young man’s mother who was screaming.
I was a bit ashamed!
I turned to my son and said in a cynical tone, “I see you learned that lesson quickly. Thanks for the reminder.”
It is not always easy to kill them with kindness, but it is better than getting mad enough to really kill someone.
Self-control is always better. I am still learning that. Hey, this columnist is human too, especially when it comes to her BOYS!
Thanks for sharing.
