Our only vacation this summer was a recent quick trip to the Windy City. Our sons love taking the Amtrak train, my husband enjoys not fighting traffic or dealing with airport parking, and I like it that they like it. So we packed up our snacks and overnight bags and rolled to Chicago to see my best friend.
“I consider Miss Michelle family,” said our 9-year-old when someone asked if we had family there.
I’m glad he feels that way, because a marriage and a family need a support system both inside and outside the immediate DNA. But, instead of lifting up the family, some so-called support has been known to choke off growth and independence and even life itself.
Eating good food and taking long walks together in Chicago gave us a chance to catch up. And let me say that, at times, I all but begged to catch a cab, because walking ten blocks is not something this suburban mom in her cute sandals is accustomed to doing.
Anyway, Michelle is single, but one of her friends is married. She told me that whenever that friend asks for advice, she tells her, “I’m not married, so I can’t really tell you what to do.”
Of course, that’s not the kind of wisdom married women or married men usually hear when they present their marital troubles, dilemmas and issues to their friends.
“Girl, I wouldn’t take that mess from no man.” “Man, I don’t know how you put up with that. If she was my woman…” “Baby, tell Mamma all about it.”
So, what’s a wife with girlfriends to do? What’s a husband with partners to do?
A co-worker of mine who is getting married this weekend asked us for advice. Humorous bits began to fly almost immediately. “Get a good pre-nup.” “Don’t get married at all.”
Since my husband and I are teaching a couples class at church, I feel duty-bound to steer my co-worker in the right direction. What I plan to tell her is, first, to realize that the words “holy matrimony” really mean something! Marriage is God’s plan, and although many say “I do” for sex, status and security, He’s the real reason.
I also want her to know that she and her future husband must refuse to accept what a selfish world has to offer. Selfishness (like trying to get your way all the time) breeds isolation, and isolation is a threat to the very intent of marriage, which is oneness.
So, no, you can’t do whatever you want, whenever you want, because you have to consider your spouse first. If both do that, then what God has put together, no man can put asunder.