I was all set to write a different column this week, and then Jamie Foxx goes and gets an Oscar for his portrayal of Ray Charles in Ray. It was a part of his acceptance that caused a great discussion at KMOX and that now jumps onto the pages of the St. Louis American.
In an emotional acceptance speech, Foxx spoke of his grandmother’s acting ability when she was whoopin’ him. The audience chuckled.
A co-worker expressed some concern that the audience was laughing at the notion that he was being hit or abused. I thought they heard the humor in Foxx’s comment that his grandmama should have gotten the Academy Award for acting because she was good at the way she whooped him.
My co-worker (a white man) thought someone watching might take Foxx’s remarks as license to abuse their children.
I said if someone is going to do something criminal, a few words spoken by an actor isn’t the thing that is going to enable them. I seriously doubt that anyone heard what Jamie Foxx had to say and thought, “Yep, I’ve been wantin’ to beat my child until they start to bleed!”
He questioned the use of the word “beating.”
I had to laugh. Maybe it’s a Southern versus Northern thing. Maybe it’s a black versus white thing.
Not everyone spanks. Many believe spanking or beating or whoopin’ a child is a form of child abuse that teaches the child that violence is the way to solve problems. They believe that spanking or beating or whoopin’ a child is not a form of love, but rather a way to control a child through fear.
Some of you are smiling right now. Others don’t know what I believe about this.
Let me tell you that the next time I go into a store and I see a parent negotiating with their children to behave or bribing them to behave (“Stop yelling and we’ll go to the store”), I’m going to scream n a long, slow, mournful scream for the lost talent of parenting.
Now, I have bribed my boys, and I’ve used the “yes” method. When they want to do something, instead of saying no, I say, “Yes, you can do it, after you clean your room or paint the house.” Gets them everytime.
My bribes are incentives. PJ gets a donut on Friday if he brings home a dozen A’s or more. We regularly forget about the reward. But he never fails to tell me how many A’s he has received.
The discipline of children is probably the second most contested topic in any marriage, after money. Patrick and I are no different. He was the disciplinarian and I was the pushover. But, that has changed. After much prayer, we are striving to meet in the middle.
I can admit to having had difficulty with the frightening thought that I might actually hurt my boys’ feelings. Guurrl, you know I’m over that. They’re only young for so long and creating a spoiled child is a lifelong mistake.
You don’t spank for any little thing. Far too many babies are seriously injured or killed because a stressed out parent or boyfriend can’t take the crying. Far too many toddlers are seriously injured or killed because of failed potty training.
And, then, far too many children have no discipline and are talking back or cursing at their parents who have thrown up their hands. Where is the authority?
I applaud Jamie Foxx, because it appears his grandmother did it right and he respects her for that.